Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most Overview

Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project–which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES–show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.

Whether you’re dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying “no,” or “I’m sorry,” or “I love you,” we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation

Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.

“Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether ‘with your baby sitter or your biggest client’? It does.”– The New York Times

“These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice.”– Booklist

“Brilliant. . . . I’ve already re-read most of it. I’m using it. What more could a reader ask?”– Tom Peters

“Emotional Intelligence applied to life’s tough moments.”– Daniel Goleman

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This is a useful book, but in my mind, is applicable very narrowly to certain business situations.

Throughout our lives, how many times do we feel that if only we could have communicated better, we wouldn’t be where we are. If I communicated more clearly and with purpose, would my relationship be better? Would my friendships be less strained? Would my interaction with my co-workers be less awkward? Would I have been promoted more quickly, or prevented being fired?

While this book doesn’t present answers to such specific scenarios, the book analyzes elements having a difficult conversation in a methodical manner, ‘to discuss what matters most.’ In that sense, the book is instrumental for any manager to become familiar with, in order to address those instances that organizational leaders inevitably face: how to confront difficult people or situations and dealing with them in a proper manner. Analytically speaking, the authors break down the conversational approach into three types: 1) “What Happened”?, 2) Feelings, and 3) Identity Conversations.

The book itself is an offshoot of the Harvard Negotiation Project (an earlier title from that project is the famous “Getting to Yes” by Ury and Fisher).

My opinion of book’s main limitations are two-fold: One is that it might best pertain to hierarchical organizations. Otherwise, it’s not always helpful to have structured approach when talking about matters of heart … it doesn’t work that way in life. When it comes to things of heart, honesty, confession, and parable may be more appropriate, to present a few examples. Second limitation is that even in a business setting, what leads to difficult conversations are bad management and engagement amongst co-workers. In that case, the problems arise long before the need for a difficult conversation.

Hence, in my mind, this book is applicable very narrowly to certain business situations.

Technical Details

• ISBN13: 9780140288520
• Condition: New
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